It was the night of Thanksgiving on November 28, 2019, and I stayed up late that night.

I was honestly passed my breaking point.

I felt like my head was spinning in circles.

I didn’t know where to go or what I should do next; I felt so alone and I knew I needed to do something.

“Should I just find a new Endocrinologist that would help me? Should I go on birth control? Should I do things naturally and go see what a Naturopathic Doctor would say? What if something is really wrong with me? What if the Doctors are wrong? What will I do if something really is wrong? What will I do?”

So. many. thoughts.

During this night, I felt like I was going through all of this by myself and that no one in my family was here for me. I even thought that I probably wouldn’t hear back from my Endocrinologist about my blood test results. I wanted to know what was wrong with me and I wanted to know now.

I cried so much that night and I even tried watching YouTube videos to distract me. I stumbled across a video about trusting God when things don’t even make sense, the video is below and I encourage you to watch it, especially when you’re so scared to trust God.

After watching this video, I, again, cried so much.

I remember thinking, “God, I’m scared, but I will trust You.”

It was such a powerful moment because I realized that I needed to calm down and stop thinking so much. The video reminded me that it’s God’s timing and whatever happens, happens, and God will be by my side through all of it.

I just let things happen and accept it.

I’m that girl who will break down and just cry. I let it all out and then, I get back up again, dry my tears, and tell myself that I can do this and I will be okay. I always pick myself up again after I cry and it always makes me so stronger than I was before. I don’t know if y’all know this or not, but I am such an emotional person!

During this night, I was just done and I needed answers.

The next day, my Aunt called me and told me her story of her having PCOS – she is my Aunt by marriage, so we’re not related and she is not the one who has passed it down to me. That phone call was much needed because it made me feel that I wasn’t alone in this and I also felt like I could relate to her.

Then, a few days later, I received that phone call from my Endocrinologists Doctor’s office confirming that I have PCOS.

I believe everything happened for a reason and I do believe that God was getting me ready for that moment. He knew how much it would hurt me and He still wanted me to fully trust Him.

Before that moment, I felt so alone and I even isolated myself so much from other people; I didn’t want them to see me like this and I didn’t even want to worry anyone.

I stopped doing the things that I love and everything made me feel exhausted like, I didn’t have any energy at all.

I missed so many events that I didn’t show up to.

My Mom got married and I even left the wedding early because I couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs, the not knowing what was wrong with me drove me crazy and it scared me so much.

I even left our Thanksgiving lunch to go back home and then, when we had dinner, I left again after that too.

I didn’t feel like myself at all and I still kinda feel that way because now, I’m thinking about all the options to try that might help my body. I will also going to be eating differently from now on, even though before all of this, I have been eating healthly, but I would still eat just a little bit of sweets. I also have started eating different foods that I wouldn’t normally eat.

My anxiety could even be from PCOS, who knows because it is definitely a symptom of it. I also want to say that you don’t have to have all the symptoms to have PCOS. Some women don’t get their period at all when they have PCOS and for me, I get mine monthly. Everyone is different. This also goes for weight too like I have lost probably around 20 pounds and some women can gain a lot of weight from PCOS.

Anyways, this is my new life and I’m doing the best I can to help me feel better.

I will continue to trust God through all the obstacles I face and I know I will overcome this.

I’m so thankful that I now know what has been going on with my hormones, and even my body.

If you haven’t read my story of before I was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) – I documented most of it and you can read it here. Then, in this blog post, I talk about me finding out that I have PCOS.

I’m so thankful that I have shared this journey with all of you and I don’t regret any of it because some of you have told me that it gave you some insights, it was educational, and that it made you want to research more about hormones like, DHEA-S and how it might affect you. That was honestly the reason why I took y’all along on this journey because we all need to be educated about what is going on with our bodies, especially when we want to do what is best for it. Please, please make an effort to take care of yourself and if you have a feeling that something doesn’t feel right or you have a gut feeling about something, please go to the doctor. If it wasn’t for me listening to my body and knowing that something isn’t right, I don’t know if I would have know that I have PCOS.

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Thank you so much for stopping by on the Kylie’s Corner & More blog! If you would like to, you can purchase your personalized, signed copy of Kylie’s Corner and a complimentary bookmark I designed, here! Kylie’s Corner is a devotional for anyone who is in High School and up – you can read more about Kylie’s Corner. I talk about beauty in God’s eyes, society, anxiety, and so much more in the Kylie’s Corner book. If God has someone on your heart that you feel the need to give this inspiring book to, please listen to Him. The individual may need to hear the words God put in my heart at the time when I wrote the Kylie’s Corners that are in this book.

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You’re so much stronger than you think you are, God is with you and He will never leave your side.”

18 thoughts on “"I'm Scared, But I will Trust You."

  1. I hate that you’re scared. But I certainly understand where you’re coming from. But those last 4 words work wonders!

    “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”
    ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:3‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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  2. You will raise up from this in Jesus name! For God is with you forevermore. You will overcome and become a better and stronger person in this battle with your health. Yes we get afraid and panic when the humanness kicks in and tears are a way of healing, relief and also a form of prayer for He is touched by our infirmities. I leave you with these scriptures that has helped and will continue to in some really rough times Romans 8:18, Philippians 4, Romans 8:6 , Psalm 34:19, Psalm 139, Psalm 126:5 I think, Psalm 46 & 56, Romans 12, Revelations 21:1-5! Blessings & strength to you sis! Will continue to lift you & the family in prayer.

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