**Before I start this, I have written a few blog posts about what happened on March 7, 2018 and the reason why I started working out shortly after on April 17, 2018. Here is the part 1 explaining everything that happened on March 7, 2018 and then, one year after, I have written a part 2 and it’s about how I realized God always had a purpose for my life. I also did a blog post about why I started to workout and no, it wasn’t because I wanted to lose weight; it was so much more than that. If you haven’t read these three posts already, I encourage you to do so!**

A car accident is a car accident no matter what the vehicle looks like afterwards. Of course, there is a lot of trauma that comes with it, but… in your mind.

On that day, I know you were scared and you thought that the day wasn’t even going to end. You just wanted to leave the scene already and forget about everything.

You wanted your Honda Civic and you made it known. Your heart broke once you found out you weren’t going to get it back.

I know you didn’t want to get behind the wheel again. ever. The thought of driving after the accident terrified you.

After the accident, you started having dreams about the accident happening to you all over again and dreams of being in different car accidents kept on happening when you would sleep.

You questioned God… a lot. You kept wondering why this happened to you.

You used to think that being in a car accident wouldn’t ever happen to you and you were blessed that you didn’t have to experience it until that day.

You are still so blessed.

You don’t know this yet, but you will be touching so many lives around the world with a precious blog and sharing your testimonies with the entire world.

I know things are difficult right now and no one knows exactly what you are going through except for the ones who have experienced being in a car accident.

It’s still so hard for you to explain what being in a car accident felt like and you still remember the sounds of it.

You are in a lot of pain (mentally) right now from everything and you will feel a little bit better as each day passes.

The horrible dreams will pass soon.

Being scared of getting behind the wheel again will get better as time passes by.

Your anxiety will diminish.

In 2020, you will still be kinda scared of passing cars that are waiting to pull out of a driveway when they are waiting for you to pass them. You still hateee cars that inch a little closer when you are in the middle of passing them because you are afraid that they are going to hit you. Some cars have been close to doing that, but you always speed passed them before that ever happens.

Your anxiety that you have when you drive will get so much better and because of the accident, your driving has improved so much, too. You are more aware of your surroundings because you don’t want to ever be in a car accident again.

You are going to be so proud of yourself, so please don’t give up. You are going to get behind the wheel again, you have to take that first step and I know you are scared. It will get better, I promise.

You are also going to realize how thankful you are to be given another day to live. You will thank God every day just for giving you another chance at life. Things could have been worse, but it wasn’t and I’m still thankful that God gave me another chance.

You don’t know this yet, but you will start working out a month after the car accident. You’re not doing it because of other people telling you to, nor because you hate your body. You’re doing it because you simply want all the pain to go away. You are so sick and tired of everything. You just want to feel like yourself again, but you know that is impossible because the car accident changed you in so many ways. You didn’t even know that you were going to lose so much weight! At first, you aren’t going to realize that you’re losing weight, but you will soon realize it and then, people around you will start noticing too.

You are going to weigh 103 pounds in 2020 and your lowest will be 102 pounds. You will be losing around 23 pounds.

You probably weigh 126 pounds right now, but you don’t feel like you need to lose weight. I know there were times in your past where you didn’t fully love what you looked like, but you never once thought about changing your body or wishing that you could look like someone else. You did love yourself, but something just felt off. You knew your worth in God and you always strived to be yourself no matter what, you didn’t want to ever “fit in.”

You did believe that you were beautiful no matter what. When you lose all this weight, you’re going to find yourself again. You are going to actually feel confident in your body and fully love yourself.

Right now, you’re not going to realize what all that weight made your body look like until after you lost the weight. Once you lose the weight, you are going to start looking at past pictures of yourself and comparing them to how you look in 2020. You never once saw yourself like how you do now. You can see a difference in your body and you are going to be so proud of yourself.

Everything you are going through right now is going to make you so strong and you’re going to be okay. In two years, you are going to be so close to finishing college – you will have two more semesters left until you will soon be an Elementary teacher!

You are going to also be told that you have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), but don’t panic, you’re going to be okay with that too. What you are doing right now matters and has a purpose. This is how the present Kylie thinks about everything that happened: If it wasn’t for the car accident, I doubt you would have started working out. If it wasn’t for working out, you probably wouldn’t have lost the 23 pounds. You would probably still have PCOS, but it would be much worse just because you didn’t workout, nor took care of your body the way you should. Doctors will tell you that normally, people who weigh a lot have PCOS and how it’s difficult for them to lose weight since they are insulin-resitant, but the Doctors don’t know that you used to weight 126 pounds and how the weight didn’t sit right with your height. Who knows what would have happened if it wasn’t for you starting to take care of your body because before the accident, you never once exercised.

You will eventually realize that taking care of your health is so important. You will soon realize that everything happens for a reason and this was always part of God’s plan for you.

You are going to grow so much from everything.

You will blossom into who you were always meant to be.

You will find beauty from the pain and you will be sharing your story with the entire world.

Even when things get tough, please don’t give up. You are almost there and it will all get better soon.

You have always been so strong and you will get through this.

Sweet girl, you will find a new piece of yourself and you won’t care so much about what people may think of you. You will fully love your body so much more than you have before.

Be your beautiful self no matter what.

Love,

the Girl you will eventually become

8 thoughts on “Finding Beauty In The Pain

  1. ”You did believe that you were beautiful no matter what.”

    Exactly that! Not that our confidence should be entirely physical but realizing that what’s inside matters most is paramount.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Doesn’t matter how pretty you are if you have a bad attitude and filthy mouth you get ugly quick.

        You don’t have that problem. I didn’t realize how lovely my sister is!!

        Liked by 1 person

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